A few gems:
Cleanse your language of certain callow affectations common to your generation, for they will not serve you well later in life. I, for example, employed the word “groovy” well into my twenties, until I once
used it as a panelist on a TV political talk show, while discussing the sociopolitical ramifications of a gubernatorial veto. The studio audience actually laughed. In your case, when being interviewed about your nomination to the U.S. Supreme Court, you do not want to say, “I was, like, ‘No way,’ and the president goes, ‘For realz, yo,’ and . . .”
The index of male physical pleasure can be plotted by two lines on a chart. One of these lines, which begins very high in one’s younger years, represents the pleasures of the fedroom. The other, which begins quite low, represents the pleasures of the bathroom. I am assured by men older than I that these lines eventually intersect. I do not want to presume to tell you how to prepare for this moment, but I will share my plan, if it will be of help. When those two lines intersect, I will commit hari-kari. I will aim for my stomach, but will probably hit my prostate.
Ok, so it mainly applies to men – but still hilarious! Click here to read the rest of his advice!
Thanks go to Newly for this find!